When it comes to cinematic wunderkinder, few have had a career as impressive as Xavier Dolan, whose initial success came from the fact that he directed his first feature film at the young age of only twenty, an achievement that is all the more impressive considering his directorial debut wasn’t an amateur production, but rather one of the most affecting and moving dramas of the past two decades. I Killed My Mother (French: J’ai tué ma mère) may not be as well-regarded as Laurence Anyways or Mommy (which are almost universally considered Dolan’s greatest works), but its a masterwork all the same. The semi-autobiographical melodrama, which focuses on a young gay man working through a difficult relationship with his mother, is one that is sure to strike a chord with viewers, proving Dolan possessed deep and unflinching talents from the first moment he stepped behind the camera – and while his career has ebbed and flowed (even if most of his films are absolutely exceptional, with only one or two disappointments peppered in over the years), I’m constantly drawn back to this debut, the hypnotic and aloof charms of I Killed My Mother being so fascinating, even if it can often be quite difficult to watch. There’s something so incredibly moving about this film, the smallest details feeling like enormous revelations, and the most inconsequential moments being repurposed as vital entries into the uneven lives of these protagonists. There is a legitimate argument to be made towards I Killed My Mother being Dolan’s best film, both in terms of the sheer audacity, and the personal touch that the director brings to every scene in this stunning drama.

It’s not surprising that Dolan has amassed so much acclaim in a relatively short amount of time – now only in his early thirties, he’s already directed the same amount of near-masterpieces over the past decade that other filmmakers have over their entire careers. His success relies on his brutally honest portrayal of the human condition, which he siphons through his own clear admiration for classical arthouse films and iconic melodramas, with Dolan often being considered the natural heir to Douglas Sirk, solely on the staggering amount of emotion he is able to compress into these striking stories of ordinary people (perhaps hyperbolic, but difficult to argue against, since he’s one of the few contemporary directors genuinely pursuing films that exist at the intersection between melodrama and meditative art). Starting his career with a film that he cites as being inspired somewhat by his own upbringing seemed like a perfect entry-point for the director into the industry, as his experiences guided him in crafting this story (which he wrote at the age of sixteen, which is an even more impressive achievement considering how beautifully written this film is), and his own observations of the world, coupled with his artistic inspirations, gave him the solid foundation on which to explore a series of abstract ideas, curating some deep quandaries and insecurities, as well as the occasional traumatic memory, into the form of an abstract psychological character study of a young man trying to discover where exactly in the world he fits in, a difficult process when someone isn’t entirely sure of who they are in the first place.

I Killed My Mother is essentially the continuous oscillation between two major themes – the first (and most prominent) is the mother-son relationship that governs most of the story. The degree to which the director brought his own relationship with his parents to the screen isn’t clear, but there is a sense of authenticity that can only come from someone who has experienced the teenage angst of rebelling against parents, not realizing that their action, while sometimes quite harsh, are usually done for the good of their children. The film is excruciatingly difficult to watch when it comes to the more harrowing moments between Hubert and his mother Chantale, since their relationship is one that is built on unconditional love, but also a deep-seated animosity. Their life together is filled with constant arguments, punctuated with moments of deep adoration – but even at their most copacetic, they always appear to be on the verge of another explosive argument, which only tears them further apart. However, despite the emphasis on exploring this fraught relationship, I Killed My Mother is not nearly as harsh as the title would suggest – after all, this is Dolan paying tribute to the mothers who endure children who rebel against their supposedly unfair practices, but still nonetheless do whatever is in their best interests, even if it comes at the expense of the most fundamental level of respect and admiration that most parents are entitled to have at the most basic level. Strangely, this film is one of the most profoundly moving odes to motherhood of recent decades, existing as a heartbreaking but poignant tale of unconditional love keeping even the most difficult of relationships afloat, which is often a challenging experience for those trying to make their way through this harsh world as a family.

In bringing these major discussions to the screen, Dolan casts the actor who he clearly genuinely believed was the only person who could get beneath the skin of Hubert – himself. Not only is he is a massively gifted director, but his years of acting (which precede his forays into filmmaking) crafted him into a talented actor. His emotional range is absolutely astonishing – his ability to play Hubert as both the definition of a spoiled, bratty teenager with serious psychological problems that render him as irrational and angry most of the time, while still finding the humanity that exists beneath such an abominable character, is the reason why this is possibly his best performance, which is a fair assessment considering how intensely personal this character was to Dolan. He is joined by Anne Dorval, a veteran actress who has done some of her most unforgettable work under Dolan’s direction – her striking features and unforgettable approach to developing her characters makes her performance as Chantale absolutely incredible, each moment she is on screen feeling like an absolute revelation. The pair have incredible chemistry and clearly connected artistically in a way that has spurred numerous collaborations over the years – and it’s not surprising, since this is such a simple yet effective role that any actress would’ve been fortunate to encounter. We truly believe in the relationship between this woman and her troubled son, both actors committing wholeheartedly to bringing this story to life, and interpreting these complex, layered characters with such earnest precision and consistent honesty, it’s clear that they connected with it, artistically and personally. It enrichens the film and makes it all the more unforgettable, which is not an easy task, considering how deeply both Dolan and Dorval had to undoubtedly venture in order to understand these characters and their haunting plight, especially in relation to their growing sense of unease in the environment that is supposed to be the most comforting for a young man to mature into adulthood.

This is the foundation for the second major theme, which is that of identity. As much as I Killed My Mother draws attention to the relationship between Hubert and his mother, the film is really about his journey to maturity. Identity has been one of the most fundamental themes in Dolan’s work, his protagonists always having some sense of uncertainty in relation to their place in the world. Often looking at themes surrounding the LGBTQIA+ community, which Dolan has tirelessly worked to represent in these films, his stories are focused on taking ordinary individuals and deconstructing them as a means to get to the root of the existential crises that propel these films. In I Killed My Mother, Dolan tells the story of a young gay man who doesn’t struggle with his identity in isolation, but rather isn’t entirely sure on how to reconcile the free-spirited life that he knows is awaiting him on the other side of his teenage years, and the more stifling and controlling environment of his domestic life. He doesn’t come from an abusive or unaccepting family, but rather one he views as profoundly conservative in their values, meaning that regardless of whether they accept him, they’ll never truly understand his perspective. Dolan provokes some deep and unsettling conversations surrounding sexuality, portraying Hubert’s journey in the same way the most effective coming-of-age dramas tend to do, but adding on layers of complicated commentary relating to his relationship with his mother, who he feels he has to phase out of his life in order to embrace his inner feelings, which he believes cannot ever merge with the idyllic image of his childhood that he cherishes, and can’t ever squander with his carnal desires, which is the true message conveyed by this film and its unconventional approach to exploring these characters.

I Killed My Mother is a truly fascinating film, a deep and uncompromisingly complex exploration of two people undergoing a series of challenges that test their relationship and determine whether they are a good influence or a burden on each other. There aren’t many stories of mothers and sons that are quite as direct as this one – Dolan spares very little time for overwrought, sentimental storytelling, ensuring that every moment is filled with genuine emotion that may be harsh and perhaps even very difficult to watch, but serves the pivotal purpose of showing the obstacles faced by these people, who sincerely struggle to find the balance between their own desires and hopes, and the behaviour required from such a dynamic. Dolan is an incredibly intelligent and gifted filmmaker, and thus every moment of I Killed My Mother feels striking and direct, speaking to a sense of existential ennui that persists amongst the younger generations, who find themselves hopelessly lost in a world that they were told they would inherit, only to realize that with immense freedom comes an even greater sense of responsibility – and while some manage to work through these moments without much difficulty, others are more susceptible to the encroaching sense of unhappiness and despair, which can envelop the most vulnerable minds. A simple but effective drama composed out of many of the most abstract ideas relating to sexuality and identity, two very prominent themes in contemporary independent cinema, I Killed My Mother is a brilliant film that established Dolan as one of the most interesting filmmakers of his generation, a title he has continued to honour as the years have progressed, constantly producing an impeccable calibre of work that can all be traced to this daring and provocative story of a young man searching for his identity, and the committed mother who does her best not to lose him along the way, even if it means making some difficult decisions.